I sometimes wonder if G-d is counting our pain. Or rather if our pain is so calculated. Because a person can get to the same place with different amounts of pain.
Is pain measured like money?
Every person needs the exact amount of money that he has in order to achieve what he needs to achieve in life. Does that work with pain as well?
And as women, we get the double dosage of pain in the world. Does this mean that we will be getting double reward up there?
What about untapped potential? Or stifled creativity? Do these constitute pain?
I think about my son who has boundless creativity and yet is limited by reality. Would this fit in to the category of pain? When he has a grand idea and yet cannot carry it out because of reality - is Hashem calculating this?
So you may say, that Hashem puts stumbling blocks in places where a person needs to go in order to give him more reward in the world to come. But what happens when there are so many stumbling blocks that a person can't move?
My son has boundless energy and boundless creative ideas, yet doesn't have the wherewithal to practically carry it out. He is home without friends living close by. Not always does his younger brother want to go along with his innovations....
Is this placed in the category of pain?
Of wanting to achieve and create and yet limited by reality?
I sometimes wonder how some people got to where they are. What were the tiny steps that they took to get there? All we see is the big vision that they had at the end. Every beautiful painting has tiny little strokes. It has hues and shades and nuances that create the full picture. A visionary doesn't only take care of the basic idea, they take in the WHOLE picture. They bring in every detail. They take into account the nuances.
I'm in a lot of pain.
Why do women have so many obstacles in their paths to bring out their creativity? Is this measured from above?
The fact that it's a man's world makes it very difficult for women to make their mark. Just look at all the innovations in the world. How many of them are coming from a woman?
I don't mean to sound like a feminist and to mourn the fact that women are of lesser value than men... I am not saying that!
What I am stating here is the reality wall that women (like me) face in order to bring forth their creativity and innovation in the world.
I am just showcasing the pain.
I am telling Hashem - enough! We women have learnt our lesson! The first sin of Chava has taught us the lesson we aught to learn.
We are not in control!
We need to rely on you. We are being taught humility. We are being taught subservience. We are taught to trust our Higher Power.
But please Hashem, our cup of pain is already full.
I am pregnant with ideas. Let me finally merit to give birth to their realities.