Hashem created His world perfect. There's is nothing lacking and nothing extra in the way it was created.
Including the rules. The rules are perfect as well.
Such as the rules regarding marriage......
Men were supposed to marry women to fill in the gaps in themselves. And vise versa.
Nobody is born perfect. Nobody becomes who they need to become in a day.
And NOBODY has it easy.
Of course, the purpose of the creation of the world is to bask in all its beauty. To take in all the wonderful gifts of the world and enjoy it to its fullest.
This goes without saying that the greatest beauty and gift is the Torah.
So that's why it teaches us how to benefit the most from the world.
A person that lives his life following the Torah's principles is really the greatest benefactor. At the end of his life he's gonna be a happy man.
Dont you see this?
Now we're not talking about people that put on an "image" of Torah. Those people are not really living authenticity. Neither am I talking about people that live the life of Torah out of fear and anxiety.
But rather people that REALLY LIVE Torah.
Through a combination of fear and love of Hashem. Through learning His Torah and REALLY being honest about their character traits. And through changing and becoming better individuals.
Those people are TRULY happy people. At the end of their life, they can look back at their life satisfied with how they lived.
And part of the process of getting there is through marriage and family.
Marriage was created with perfection just like everything else in the world. A man marries a woman and the magic doesn't end after the wedding day.
It's only the beginning.
Hashem created that marriage should be forever. The excitement, the understanding, the connection is not meant to die after the beginning. It's supposed to be FOREVER.
BUT- like everything else in life -
IT'S GONNA TAKE ALOT OF WORK!
Some marriages that I know of h_ave the dynamic of having a Relationship oriented person and a physical oriented person. The relationship person has the vision, direction and the passion in the marriage. (See Living with a Dreamer)And the physical person is going to actually carry it out.(See Red Grapes and Green Grapes)
I see this dynamic time and time again.
But like I said before, in order to get anywhere in life, they need to work in TANDEM.
The physical person can be chopping trees and doing work a whole day only to be holding the ax the wrong way. And the relationship person can be so driven and passionate yet unable to communicate it to people.
Both parties have to work to perfect their skill. Every person is starting at a different level of Bechirah, so no two people's struggles will look alike.
But the goal is that:
THEY SHOULD WORK TOGETHER.
Some people I know leave the race when the going gets rough.
So they seek fulfillment elsewhere.
Like at work.
Sometimes I wonder why people are working so hard at their image at work and at home they are NOT working.
Meaning: you have two people in a marriage that are NOT working together. One is here and the other is there. For both to work as a team there needs to be some "labor" involved.
So they take an easy shortcut.
They get their satisfaction at work.
And forget about their dreams of creating that ideal home.
It used to be that even if a man was running away from his role at home, the woman was still there. She didn't have a choice. She couldn't work with men. She was around her friends a whole day that were doing the same thing.
She has more options.
She can have a physical home and yet her heart can be outside of it. She can get her satisfaction in the workforce.
Where it's ALOT EASIER.
And also very TEMPORARY.
Like, a woman who needs a lot of affirmation for the work that she does, can get it all from her man boss.
And a man who needs people to carry out his visions can get it from a woman he hires.
And she comes home every day and he comes home every day -
and they are both not satisfied in their home.
Because they didn't do the work.
And they life their life till the end and look back at a very fulfilling career and yet no family to be proud of.
Because no matter how much a person says they can do both.
There are going to be gaps in the structure when it's not a secure one.
The marriage and family structure is the only one worth investing into.
Ask anyone who's chosen otherwise.