So what has Feminism actually done to our marriages?
I mean, Feminism is a word of the past. We have long since moved on from this concept. We are now in the movement of “Materialism”. Feminism doesn’t really affect the world today. Right?
Feminism has affected the world to such an extent that we don’t even SEE its effects. It is so embedded in our culture.
In order to explain SOME of the impact of this movement, I need to start from the beginning.
What is the purpose of a woman?
The purpose of a woman is to be a “Helper” for her husband.
Help him do what?
Help him become a G-DLY person.
(This pertains to Jews and Non Jews alike. The only difference between a Jew and a Non Jew is his capacity.)
Man was initially created out of earth from the ground. His nature is very base. Very earthy. (If you ever noticed a 2 year old toddler you can see the difference CLEARLY between a girl and a boy!) Only AFTER the formation of his body was a G-dly soul place in him.
Versus a woman who was created FROM MAN. She wasn’t created from EARTH. Which means that she began her life on a more spiritual plain than man.
She INNATELY knows right from wrong. She doesn’t have to seek answers externally. She just has to tap into her insides and she HAS the knowledge.
As I quote Rabbi Feldheim, “A woman is born on the top of the mountain while a man is born on the bottom. The role of a woman in life is to remain at the top while a man’s mission is to climb there.”
So her job in life is to help her husband get there. In whatever his mission is. Be it, in his CHARACTER or his JOB or even his role as a FATHER and HUSBAND… She is there to help him achieve COMPLETION.
Now there are lots of steps before he can get there. She has to get there FIRST before she can teach her husband.
She already has the knowledge of where he needs to get to. She needs to TAP into that knowledge (also know as “Binah Yeseirah”) and perfect it so that she can present it well. If she is going to start screaming at her husband for not taking responsibility in finances, I don’t think he will hear it so well….
Betty Freidan was correct in her emotion when she started the Feminist Movement. She said that it isn’t right that all a woman is good for is to look pretty and cook and clean and take care of kids….. Meaning she felt that there must be more that a woman was created for.
This is 100% true!
But what she did as a RESULT of her emotion was NOT a solution to the problem.
She ran away.
She wanted her husband to be more PRESENT. To be a Mensch. To act more like a PERSON versus and animal. So instead of sticking it out with him or maybe even finding another man who would hear her – she ESCAPED her reality.
She took the gift that a woman was blessed with, her BInah Yeseirah, and through it out the window.
BECAUSE IT WAS TOO HARD.
Not only did she escape her own role in life, she even tried to JUSTIFY herself by bringing OTHER women into the picture. So now she doesn’t even have to FEEL GUILTY about what she did wrong. Because – look- everyone else agrees with her!
She CUT THE ROPE so there’s no chance of him turning back. She said “if you’re not going to provide for me – I will provide for MYSELF.”
So who’s happy now?
Maybe in the short run she’s happy because she does have her needs temporarily taken care of. But ultimately a woman wants to RECEIVE and a man wants to GIVE.
Don’t get me wrong.
Making a man into a Mensch nowadays is A VERY HARD TASK! It sure ain’t easy. Let’s not minimize the work at hand.
There are so many distractions that they can run to. So if you don’t give them respect, they’ll get it somewhere else. There are lots of places that men are running to to have their needs met.
So that’s why we are AFRAID to ask.
Because we think that if we ask – they will run away.
Which may be true.
And may also NOT BE TRUE.
Because feeling like a king OUTSIDE their home IS NOT the same as feeling like a king INSIDE their home.
I look around at women (both Jewish AND Non-Jewish) and I see how they are so DISCONNECTED. Women are here and the men are there. Women don’t ask mostly because they are afraid. And the ones that do, don’t know HOW to do it.
If we want to be happy women then we have to tap into our wellsprings of feelings and learn how to communicate them.
We cannot deny that we don’t need our husbands to show up. We cannot deny that we have needs that need to be met. We cannot say “if you don’t give, I will just do it myself.” We cannot believe that we believe that we are happy WHEN WE ARE NOT.
Each woman, on her own, needs to tap into her own knowledge in order to bring out her husband.
We all can do it.
This is our gift.