Competition

Right now I am dealing with an emotion so strong I am overwhelmed by it! I never realized what a powerful emotion it is and how much I feel it on a daily basis. Sometimes it overtakes me to the point of paralysis. I get stuck and can’t move from the feeling that overwhelms me. It can get so debilitating that it is the key that is preventing me from what I wish to accomplish.
This emotion is: COMPETITION.
When I was a child I felt this emotion as well. I remember vividly playing a game with my siblings. When I won, I was on cloud number nine! But when I lost – you had better close your ears!
I’d have a full blown tantrum! I’d kick! I’d scream! I’d be so devastated when I wasn’t able to be ON THE TOP!
Looking back now, it seems funny that I reacted in this way. I mean, come on, it’s ONLY a game. It might even be cute to see a little child get upset when he loses.
Now, I’m a little bit older. Throwing a tantrum when I lose is NOT very cute looking anymore.
Now, this emotion has translated into the need for power, recognition and honor. Now this emotion has wreaked havoc amongst the people that live with me. Because of my need to be ON THE TOP, I manipulate the people around me.
This emotion is coming from a lack of SELF WORTH. This emotion is coming from my own SHAME of not being GOOD ENOUGH. I wasn’t able to live up to my higher values to gain ESTEEM. Therefore I will gain esteem from being a WINNER.
I openly confess to my sins. I humbly regret my actions. I hereby aim to achieve something higher now.
At the end of my life, do I want to be rembered as a person who rose to the top? Whether be it in money, power, talents….
Or do I want to be remembered as a person who ACCEPTED my LIMITATIONS. As well as the LIMITATIONS of OTHERS. Who ESTEEMS myself from the INSIDE and therefore was able to ESTEEM OTHERS from the inside as well. Someone who didn’t FLAUNT my ACCOMPLISHMENTS yet felt my accomplishments from WITHIN.
How come, us competitive people, feel like if someone else wins it takes away from our victory? Do we feel like it’s not a victory because someone else has gotten higher? Are we so narcissistic that we feel like we are the only people that exist in the world?
Having a drive to succeed is a GOOD THING! If not for our drive to succeed we’d do NOTHING in our lives! But it isn’t the goal within itself. It is just a MEANS TO AN END.
Without the desire to win we would never ACCOMPLISH. Yet, true accomplishment  only comes from enabling OTHERS to succeed WITH ME.
Let me make myself clear. The goal is NOT to all of a sudden become a LOSER. That’s defeating the purpose!
The goal is to look deep within myself. See what I am capable of accomplishing, and to go there.
And if other people are higher or lower on the ladder DOES NOT AFFECT MY DECISIONS! I will do what I need to do in my life REGARDLES of what my status is.
When I say these words, the words that come to mind are the words that many adults told me as a child. “It’s not such a big deal! It’s only a game! It’s not about winning or losing its about HOW you play the game!”
Somehow I have to translate that into my life now as well.
ITS NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL! ITS ONLY A GAME!
It’s not about WINNING or LOSING. It’s about HOW you play the game!
The game called LIFE.