I am still grappling with the balance between harmony and acheivement in my life. Harmony meaning that state of being where I am just enjoying life and remaining in the present moment. And achieving where I am attempting to better the world in some way.
I’ve got dreams of changing the look of Bais Yakov. I dream of assisting my husband in becoming a millionaire so that he can affect the world in a meaningful way. I want to teach my children all there is to know in the world. And did I mention that I wish to assist my husband in becoming a Talmid Chacham who knows all of Shas!
Then the harmony piece comes in. (Which may translate as “reality”) Where I have 3 kids. They all need breakfast, lunch, and supper. There’s laundry and cleaning and Shabbos and Yom Tov and tantrums and bedtime and doctors and clothing and fighting… Need I say more?
So how do I balance the two?
On the one hand, I yearn to ACHEIVE. On the other hand, I yearn for HARMONY in my home.
Harmony in my marriage. Harmony with myself. Harmony with Hashem.
Sometimes I wonder what the word harmony means. Does it mean peace? Does it mean living in synch with my values? Does it mean the feeling of satisfaction?
I’m starting to think that harmony is dealing with RELATIONSHIPS.
Giving other people what they want and need. (Like supper and clothing) Showing other people warmth and love. (Like reading my children books.) Being gentle and kind to other people. (Like allowing my children to make mistakes and not reprimanding them EVERY time they were clumsy with the milk!) Teaching them patience. (Like teaching my son how to tie his shoe – and not rushing him because I have more important things to do in my life.)
As I write these words I can’t help but feel a bit stifled. Yes this all sounds so ideal! Yes of course I want a home of harmony! But I ALSO want the above!
I REALLY WANT TO ACHIEVE!!
So how am I going to balance the two?
As I was writing this, a man by the name of Donald Trump came to mind. (I’m sure you’ve heard of him by now.) He spent his life amassing a fortune. That’s what he set out to achieve and he accomplished that goal.
He’s also on his third marriage.
Now, you’ll probably tell me that this is typical in his world. Maybe. But doesn’t mean that that’s a good thing.
In other words, he sacrificed his relationships for achieving his goals.
You can see this clearly in the way he handles his relationships now. He’s looking to achieve, without taking into account the feelings of the people involved in his pursuits.
I was in the jewelry store this past week and there was a lady there who had this magnificent HUGE diamond ring on her finger. She was with her fiancé, looking at two pink diamond eternity bands to enhance her diamond. ( mind you, she already had an eternity band on that finger, but I guess it wasn’t enough.)
She is 52 years old.
I turned to the owner ( who happens to also be my friend ) and told her ” I am not jealous. ”
And I was serious.
Here she is, a woman who’s obviously on her second or third marriage and all she has is her beautiful jewelry. ( And maybe some other valuables that I haven’t seen )
Maybe she also has some kids.
Of course, I shouldn’t be comparing, but I couldn’t help but think about my life. How I have a relationship with my husband ( whom I hope to retain for the rest of my life.) How I have 3 beautiful children (whom I hope to keep up with for the rest of my life.) I have a family, a community and MEANING! I have a relationship with Hashem ( whom I hope to retain for the rest of my life. )
But I must say….
I’M STILL BATTLING!
You know, relationships take ALOT of TIME! Talking out your disagreements with your husband takes ALOT of ENERGY! Giving to your children is NOT EASY!
Making money and achieving status is VERY TEMPTING.
After I told my friend my feelings, she told me, “you know – we can have BOTH!”
We can have relationships and money and status and everything good that life has to offer. We even request it every week before kidush “vezakanu lekabel shabbosos mitoch rov simchah, umetoch osher vkavod umetoch Meut Avonos.”
We CAN get it.
It may be the HARDER route. It may be more CONVOLUTED. It may take up more ENERGY.
We may just have to include some more relationships in our lives. And we may have to BELIEVE that it really CAN happen.
I sometimes feel that we don’t honestly believe that Hashem has the ability to give us the impossible. If it doesn’take sense logically, we subconsciously think that it won’t realistically happen.
We need to change this mindset.
Because if G-d created me with all my intricacies I my life. He can also gives what I ask for.
Whatever the request may be